mordant wit

A man caught his wife working as a high-class hooker after he saw her advert in a newspaperWhen he called her up, she said: 'What can I do for you, big boy? I will do the things your wife won't.'

Distraught Uwe Peters shouted down the phone: 'But you are my wife, you tart.'

It was the end of a five-year marriage which, up until then, he described as 'perfect'. Ina Peters, 35, left her home and Uwe, 42, every morning for five years dressed in a sober business suit.

He thought she was the executive secretary at a major cable company in Leipzig, Germany. But minutes later, she was at her secret flat changing into French knickers, stockings and thigh-length boots.