mordant wit

I took the The Dante's Inferno Test and it banished me to the Second Level
of Hell!

Second Level Of Hell

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the
sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity.
Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of
unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal
hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine,
whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason
at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to
remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your
fate.

Take the target="_blank">Dante Inferno Hell Test and find out where u stand!!!

Masturbation Personality: Woody Allen


What's your masturbation personality?

"It really doesn't matter at all. Nobody gives a shit anyways"

That's my new philosophy in life. Nobody really cares about anyone else so why bother and be pretentious just so that we can be more acceptable. I said fuck that! I don't want to be acceptable to anyone, take me for what I am. If I change myself what guarantee's are there that the other person would even care about that change.

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut ur hair!
I hate the way u drive my car,
I hate it whwen u stare!
I hate ur big dumb combat boots,
and the way u read my mind!
I hate u so much it makes me sick;
it even makes me rhyme!
I hate it,
I hate the way ur always right!
I hate it whne u lie!
I hate it when u make me laugh,
even worse when u make me cry!
I hate it when ur not around,
and the fact that u didnt call!
But mostly I hate the way I dont hate u.
Not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all!

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

~ U2

Oh, heres to my sweet satan. Thw one whose little path could make me sad, whose power is satan. He'll give you, give you 666. There was a little tool shed where he made us suffer, sad satan.

the above is what is popularly believed to be in the song "Stairway To Heaven" by Led Zeppelin.

They all sing, and they are one. Shall I loathe you now, parishoner? Oh hear Him, Christian within me. It stirs my sin; the river, Oh, she swells with our lousiness. All my life will end for him? We're all out of signs, I know I'm sorta shocked To hear The Lord, My God now will save me! Oh I will n'er be saved, Because I live with Satan.. One wish today; That you'll all pray for Three who will make it here late. Pray now and you'll see.. The 'Lord' turned me on, But, oh, I was the shaggy fool.. Clothed in agony, Lost at a height. ohh... There's no escaping it, Nor his woes.. So here's to my Sweet Satan. The other's little path Would make me sad, Whose power is fake. He'll give those with him 666. And all the evil fools, they know he made us suffer sadly. Ohohohoh... "Family won't get loose, They've offered me." Always soothes the worker. Always will be as we know now "I see ruins," said he, "the world they offered me? Who wished the Lord's fall?" If we lose feather, Say you'll save me! And no wimps can bend the rules.. And no wimps can do.. Hunt next to the shore, 'Cause they see all from there, See here's the news, Who walks with mute grief! Perhaps no-one found thee... "Heavy, lift me out," Spake the Reve, "Someday, failed, we'll lose one line-up, They've gotta leave forsaken." And no wimps can do.. And no wimps can do... He, who say the lords Thoth have our laws, Maat must be superb. Mass is ended.. Over there, He who should learn thee. Any moot¹ that serves by my sworn music, I wish it with snow be shushed, All for my mass's sake. Hear why its sung, here, oppositioner, Ohh.. He who should show May make his show worthy, To look, for us, odd.. sickly, There's one chance - take his show. Hold thy head, Hear why its sung here. oppositioner. Who owns this earth built below? Oh sweet Israel!

This is a backmasked version of the same song I found on another site. This is way more comprehensive than the one above, but I doubt that all of this can be heard in the backmasked version. Someone please verify!

this seems so corny and lame... but i don't know why i just felt like putting this up

thanx to BrazilianGirlie

no words necessary

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company isn't security.
(Kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.)

After awhile you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you stand too long in one place.

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
that you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn.

This version, supposedly the original version, by:
Judith Evans


I ran across this profile on this online community called orkut and i was reading the about me part which was reaaaalllly interesting. Somehow i got the feeling that it wasn't tooo original so i searched and found that it was this poem. i liked it a lot so here it is for all of you to read and cherish!

"Brilliant counter argument. Clearly the work of a superior mind. I shall consider well my choice this time around and think upon your witty reparte so that I might fully realize the depths of my error. You have shown me the light. Thank you."

a response to a bitch who wouldn't respond to my pickup lines :P

"The American people wants a president that appeals to the angels..."
Bush in his speech during the GOP convention. Aug/2000

Does he really believe that it is him ?...

This guy is delusional!! It has to be LSD!!!

"Son, I love your strategy: Don't let them get to know you."
— Barbara Bush
(note: extracted from the internet. We cannot guarantee it is legitimate, but it's funny anyway)

Now I think there's something wrong with the genes!!!


coutesy of Bushisms

so... i was working on my résumé since i had nothing better to do around here. just in case you don't know - i am on an eid vacation in karachi. well as i was saying, since i was working on it i thought i should basically try and remove all sorts of errors from it.

so here i am looking up common errors in cv's. people are putting in all kinds of points to come up with a great résumé but they're all so vague and unsubstantial. so there i go looking for actual resumes and you won't believe how many mistakes i found.

enough to make a post out of it!!!

here goes:

• "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."


• "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."


• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."


• "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."


• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."


• "I am a rabid typist."


• "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."


• "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."


• "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."


• "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."


• "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."


• "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."


• "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."


• "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."


• "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."


• "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."


• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail."


• "Qualifications: No education or experience."


• "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."


• "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."


• "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"


• Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"


• "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."


• "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."


• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."


• "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."


• "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."


• "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."


• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."


• "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."


• "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."


• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."


• "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."


• "Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."


• "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."


• "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."


• "Marital status: Often. Children: Various."


• "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."


• "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."


• "Finished eighth in my class of ten."

so well now you guys know what not to put in the résumé. since there isn't any comprehensive help on what to put IN it, at least you would be able to know what NOT to put in it.

A letter from the Home Office to the People of America
Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2004 13:53:20 +0100

To the residents of the United States of America,

In view of your abject failure to elect a President and thus to govern yourselves, We give hereby Notice of the Revocation of your Independence, effective today at Five O'clock Greenwich Mean Time.

Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume sovereign duties forthwith over all states, commonwealths, and other territories. Except Florida, which Shall be returned to His Illustrious Catholic Majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain. Your new Prime Minister (The Rt Hon Tony Blair, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will suggest to Her Majesty a Governor-General for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed."

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that difficult.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen," but only after fully carrying out Task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football," but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour). We are hoping to get together at least an American rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any "merde." The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in the British Empire. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

11. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.


Thank you for your cooperation.

The Queen

by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, 'always look on the bright side of life!' There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.
2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.
3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.
4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)
5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.
8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.
9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.
11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!
12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.
13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.
14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.
15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.
16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!
17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'" But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com

What famous leader are you?



i have absolutely no idea how i'm in any way related to abe lincoln... but familiar with american history to such an extent that i have no clue whatsoever!!!

Funny how the exit polls were only off in states using electronic voting:



from [i=i]

Which File Extension are You?

and this is what i turned out to be .... an

hi all

Now that the tough part is over - the visiting and the eating, now i can sit back, relax, take a deep breath (sounds eerily like 'enigma - principles of lust') and think.

But d dilemme is that i am unable to get d ol' noodle cranked up enuf tcome up wid a sequence of words that might actually mean something. somehow i am still deluded enough to believe that people come here for some meaningful purpose in life but the fact of the matter is this is a direction-less, point-less, everythingelse-less blog.

so lets get on wid d stupid announcement which was to say ... that the ramzan break is over and u'll be seeing a lot more posts as time goes on!!!

luv 2 all who read it... n i wish every1 else dies.. jus kiddin luv to all of ya as well

X

E.I.D M.U.B.A.R.A.K