mordant wit

All of these are companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread...

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
   www.whorepresents.com/
   
   
2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
   www.expertsexchange.com/
   
   
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
   www.penisland.net/
   
   
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
   www.therapistfinder.com/
   
   
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
   www.powergenitalia.com/
   
   
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
   www.molestationnursery.com/
   
   
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there?s always
   www.ipanywhere.com/
   
   
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
   www.cummingfirst.com/
   
   
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
   www.speedofart.com/

An Israeli lands at Heathrow Airport. As he's going through
customs. he's asked: "Occupation?"

He answers: "No, no, just tourism!"

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vordskontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

The Pope and Ah Peh

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Ah Peh to represent them.

Ah Peh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. "To make it more interesting" , he said, "neither side would be allowed to talk".

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Ah Peh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Ah Peh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Peh pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Peh pull out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around The Pope asking him what happened?. The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent The Holy Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.

Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Peh. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Ah Peh, "First, he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him get lost and not one of us was leaving.

Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Ah Peh, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!"